All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
