I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
