All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
