We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I want a musical about memes.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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