I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
