his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
