we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
