i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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