Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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