Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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