everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I love having hate sex.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
