Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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