I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
