Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
