He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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