I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Rumble strips road head = magical
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
