My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
