You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
