So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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