Your face is a jimmy john
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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