I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
