So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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