Do you still have your period?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She said her name was "party"
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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