Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
