Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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