My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
