wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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