sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
