I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
