The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
