everyone is single if you try hard enough
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
