you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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