if i can run in heels then i can drive
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
