I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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