HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
