I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
