i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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