I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
