lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
