FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
