Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Will exercising make me less horny?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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