My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
