I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I have tasted many bathrooms
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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