she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
