I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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