Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
