the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Randomize
