The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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