It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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