sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
