the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
