I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
