I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
