And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i think im in europe. pls send help
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
