remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
