I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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